A Thousand Little Pieces Read online

  Fiancé. Lea nearly shuddered at the word, and barely caught herself in time. "I just don't know, Jo. I'm not one for parties and big announcements. Can't we just go to Vegas to get hitched, or something?"

  Jo laughed. “I bet Ricco would like that.”

  Then, maybe sensing Lea's discomfort Jo smoothly moved on to talking about her wedding dress, and the things she had bought in Korea. Lea commented on everything with, she hoped, appropriate enthusiasm. But her heart wasn't in it. All this talk of weddings had brought to the fore what she hardly dared admit to herself.

  Accepting Ricco’s proposal had been wrong. She had known it at the time, deep down. She loved him, there was no doubt. But secret Vegas wedding or stately fete with five hundred guests was one and the same before the fact that she didn’t want to get married.

  Lea tried to force the thought away. It didn't matter. She would get through this too. No use fretting now, it was done, she had given her word. And with the iron willpower borne of years of pushing her brain to its limit, the doubt was banished to an inaccessible, dark part of her mind where it could lie quietly and unexamined.

  “Whoa, Lea!”

  She looked up from her all-fours position on the exercise mat and smiled at Daniel. He hadn't startled her; she had been expecting him. Lea was almost getting used to Ricco's friends just simply walking into his house without ringing the doorbell. But, to be fair, Daniel, in particular, knew how much she still slept during the day, and always took great care not to disturb her.

  That she was up and doing her PT exercises was highly unusual. After Jo had left Lea had, for once, hardly felt tired. She was still restless and knew that if she let her mind wander too much certain things she didn’t want to think about would drift back to the surface. So, she had decided to try and distract herself.

  Lea hadn't told anyone this, but she had been able to get down to the exercise mat and up again almost since she had come home. Manuel, the PT coach who came to the house every other day, had taught her as soon as she was able to move without screaming. "If you fall when there's nobody home you'll be able to get up again. A pretty important skill to have. I teach it to all my patients if I can," the coach had said.

  Employing Manuel’s technique now and using a chair for leverage, Lea got to her feet and reached for her crutches.

  “Want a hand?” Daniel asked, but Lea shook her head. At least he had asked. Ricco, finding her on the floor, would have freaked out, and would probably have carried her, kicking and screaming, off to bed. Winded now, Lea moved slowly over to the sofa and sat down heavily. Daniel took the armchair opposite.

  “You know Ricco would have a coronary if he saw you do that, right?”

  Lea grinned. “You gonna tattle on me?”

  Daniel returned the grin. "Not if you don't. I have plans for us today if you're up for it. You won't have to walk much at all. But the plans require us to leave the house."

  “Oh my god, yes please!” Lea said, not even trying to hide her eagerness. “I’m in, whatever it is! I’m going crazy here, I can’t stay sitting in this very nice and expensive living room another day!”

  Daniel laughed out loud at her vehemence, and Lea only realized now how much the boredom of being housebound had weighed on her, how close she had been to chewing on the furniture with frustration at her uncooperative body. She was bad at being idle, and the better she felt physically the harder it was to accept her current limitations.

  But Daniel’s eyes lingered on her. Surely it hadn’t been that good a joke? Why was he looking at her so intently? Lea fidgeted and glanced away. When her eyes returned to him Daniel was still looking.

  “What?” Lea asked, cross now.

  “Oh, nothing,” he smiled. “I’ve just never seen you this excited. Does Ricco know how much fire there is in his cool British doc?” Lea blushed, unsure what to say. Daniel, maybe realizing just what he’d said, blushed too, and cleared his throat before carrying on as if nothing had happened. “So, today. Susan has been going on and on about the botanical garden in Ottawa. She and the kids went last year, but I had to bow out at the last minute because of extended filming. What do you think? Fancy it?”

  “But shouldn’t you go with Susan?”

  “Nah, she’s been now, and at least if the two of us go I can tell her I’ve been too, and she’ll stop nagging. When she’s here with the kids there’s always so much they want to do.”

  "In that case, I'd love to go. But how am I gonna get around?"

  Daniel grinned. “I brought you a wheelchair. It’s in the car. Not just for today, but so Ricco can take you out with him now that you’re better, and maybe bring you to set when you feel up to it. I had a feeling you’d be climbing the walls soon.”

  Lea was very touched. Ricco hadn’t given any indication that he understood how trapped she was starting to feel. He had been so concerned for her physical safety she hadn’t had the heart to worry him more.

  Still, one thing about them leaving the house made Lea go cold with fear. It was the main reason she hadn’t even suggested it to Ricco yet.

  “But there will be people.”

  “Yes?” Daniel said. He knew what she was saying, Lea was sure. But he wouldn’t make it easy for her.

  “What if they, you know. recognize you?” Or me, she added in her head.

  Daniel gave her a level look, and Lea knew he’d had more on his mind with this outing all along than giving his friend’s injured girl a treat. “You guys are too afraid. Ricco has been nothing but scared since that break-in last year. And I’m sorry, but you have let yourself get infected by his fear and paranoia. Look what happened to you because of it!” He gestured at the crutches. “You need to learn to deal with this. Ricco needs to learn how to say no. I’ve tried my utmost to help him. It’s not happening. But I can show you that it’s possible to work in this industry and still have a private life. Maybe he’ll respond to you better. He generally does.”

  Lea had to think about this for several minutes. She was scared, yes, at the thought of being in a wheelchair and unable to escape, and at someone else's mercy when people started swarming them, which she was sure was inevitable. But she trusted Daniel. He was the most level-headed of Ricco's friends and seemed the most stable and confident in dealing with his popularity.

  And she wasn’t the type to run from a challenge. Maybe Daniel could teach her a thing or two about dealing better with fans, and she could in turn help Ricco find a middle ground. She looked steadily at Daniel, trying to show she meant it when she said, “Yeah, let’s do it!”

  Daniel grinned with relief and got up. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he said happily. “Don’t get up just yet. I’ll bring you some clothes from upstairs. You are cute in Ricco’s tee, but that will get us extra attention for sure.”

  The day quickly turned into the best one Lea had had since the accident. Canadensis Botanical Garden was stunning, and both she and Daniel were soothed and delighted by the beautiful arrays of plants, the wonderful scents, and the calm, shadowy retreats they kept stumbling across.

  As it was mid-week the garden wasn't nearly as busy as Lea had imagined. And Daniel was astonishing. Initially, they got approached by people every few minutes, but he was unwavering in his polite but firm response.

  “I’m sorry,” he would say clearly, moving Lea behind him and shielding her. “No photos today. I’m having a day off; I hope you understand.”

  And people did understand, on the whole. There were a few curious looks at Lea, which she noted from the corner of her eye, but nobody was very insistent, or openly rude. After they had gone through the third of these encounters Lea began to relax. She hadn’t even realized how tense she had been. Ricco can do this, too, it’s not that hard, Lea thought, heartened. He’ll be much happier, and safer, with some boundaries.

  "Of course," Daniel said sometime later, when they came face to face with a large gaggle of young women, rapidly approaching them on the path. "Polite doesn't alway
s work. Sometimes you just gotta leg it."

  And with that he turned the wheelchair around and pushed Lea down the path, back the way they had just come, faster and faster, until she was nearly hysterical with laughter and nerves, clutching Daniel’s hands hard as he crouched down in front of her when they finally came to a halt, hidden behind a large greenhouse.

  Throughout the day Daniel was very solicitous, but without flapping about nervously and fussing at her every time Lea as much as shifted. He’s such a proper British gentleman, she thought as Daniel noticed her listing to one side when her hip was starting to get sore and he stopped the wheelchair.

  “Looks like the weather might turn,” he said, even though the sky was as brilliantly blue and still as it had been all day. “Shall we call it a day and grab something to eat? There’s a nice fake-British café not far from here. They serve scones, with real clotted cream. Ricco had me take him there all the time when we first started filming. Said even if us Brits didn’t know anything about beer, our cakes weren’t half bad.”

  "Hah," Lea snorted and agreed that it sounded like the perfect place to end their excursion.

  The little café was nearly deserted, and the quiet cool was welcome after the heat and sun of the botanical garden. Apart from the softly humming air conditioning unit it almost felt like they were sitting in a coffee shop in Kensington – until their chewing gum-chomping waitress asked them for their order in a very broad Texan accent.

  Hiding her amusement Lea chose scones and a pot of Earl Grey tea, and then nearly cracked up completely when Daniel asked for the same in a very pronounced, and fake, Yorkshire accent. The waitress only barely managed not to roll her eyes at them and bid a hasty retreat as soon as she could.

  “Bloody rude, all of them here,” Daniel muttered under his breath as the waitress walked away, still in that fake accent, and now Lea had to clap both hands to her mouth as she rolled around in her chair, giggling and out of breath.

  Once they could breathe again they chatted about nothing in particular until the scones and tea arrived. As she spread liberal amounts of clotted cream and jam onto her first scone Lea glanced at Daniel. “You could’ve talked to some of those fans today, you know. I wouldn’t have minded.”

  But Daniel shook his head. "If I do that once it never stops. I can't even remember the number of times I and the guys have been out somewhere really cool and then had to leave in a hurry because word spread that we were taking pictures with fans, and the masses became overwhelming. It works the other way around, as well, though. You saw it today. No idea why. Osmosis maybe? Once you say no to half a dozen people or so nobody else approaches." He was serious now. "I don't always do it this way, you understand. I'll decide, before I leave the house, whether I'll agree to selfies and autographs that day. And then I just stick to that decision. Helps me stay sane, and in control."

  "Control, yeah," Lea said, deep in thought. Ricco needed to take back control. The fans had the upper hand right now, and it couldn't go on like this. She focused back on Daniel. "Thank you for today, and for showing me a way to deal with this weird life."

  “My pleasure.” Daniel’s smile was gentle, giving Lea a queer, strangely pleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach. Then he continued, “It’s nice, being with a Brit for a change. Or as good as,” he laughed as Lea opened her mouth to protest. “Honorary Londoner, better? These American actor types, they’re real, y’know, intense sometimes.”

  That made Lea laugh again, dispelling the odd feelings she didn’t dare examine too closely.

  They enjoyed their British afternoon tea very much, but Lea was nevertheless glad to go home when they had finished the last of the Earl Grey tea. Her hip was really starting to hurt.

  Once back in the car Daniel seemed to sense something was up. Lea had needed a lot of help climbing into his Jeep, which was just as impossible for her in her current condition as Ricco's, with its high seats and a big step up. Daniel glanced at her and, when she wouldn't meet his eyes, tapped on the handbag in her lap with one finger. "Why not take some of that dope you're carrying around in there?"

  “If I take a Tramadol now I won’t be any good for the rest of the day.”

  “You planning on hosting a dinner party tonight?”

  “No, but you’ll be bored senseless if all I do is conk out on the sofa.”

  "I'm not staying for the entertainment, Luv," Daniel said in his fake Yorkshire accent again. "I brought me book."

  Lea had to smile, despite herself. She felt very grateful to Daniel. Her hip was on fire, and she was finding it harder and harder to hold it all in. "Oh, all right then."

  She fumbled for the Tramadol in her bag and took the water bottle that Daniel retrieved from behind his seat at the next traffic light.

  “Take two,” he said sternly.

  “I’ll be out of it before we get home.”

  "I can carry you inside, Luv."

  Lea giggled at the thought, despite the pain. “I doubt that very much.”

  "Try me," he replied and winked.

  Daniel’s strength was not to be tested, however. Lea could just about still stand on her own two feet when he helped her out of the car, but she needed his arm to steady her, and all her willpower, to get into the house and up the stairs to bed. She merely observed with dispassionate, drugged gratitude as Daniel pulled off her shoes.

  As she crawled under the covers Lea asked, “Why’re you so nice to me?”

  When Lea woke the next morning, she didn’t remember whether or not he had answered.

  3

  “What’s wrong, Ricco?” Lea hobbled into the kitchen just as he hung up the phone. His face was very pale, and Lea, alarm bells starting to ring immediately, went right over to where he was standing holding on to the breakfast bar.

  “That was Janet,” was all he said.

  Lea had no idea who that could be. She took a deep breath, quelling her irritation. Something was wrong, no need to aggravate him further. "Janet who, honey?" she asked, keeping her voice as level as possible.

  “Realtor selling the house. Well, trying to.”

  “And…,” Lea prompted gently when he didn’t continue. Anything to do with the old house could only be bad news.

  “She wants me to meet her over there. Says she needs my input on some photos and talk about what to do to make it sellable.” Ricco’s voice was odd on the last words.

  Lea thought for a moment. Maybe this was just what he needed. “You can go back there now, right? You talked about the break-in and all that with the therapist, and that helped, didn’t it?”

  Ricco gave a small nod. “Yeah, we talked about it. I think that helped.” He shifted from one leg onto the other for a moment but then looked up, his face determined. “I think I can, y’know. Might be good, to go back. Get over this shit. Fuck it, yeah! Let’s do this!”

  “Great!” Lea beamed, both pleased that he was facing the challenge and excited to finally see the house. “I can’t wait to go see the place; you know. And you can totally do it!” She leaned close and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you!”

  Ricco had called Janet back before he could change his mind and made the arrangements. They went to meet her on one of Ricco’s rare days off filming. As they drove through the sunny Ottawa countryside Lea noticed him becoming very quiet. That worried her, but she told herself not to be silly. It was only natural that he would still be nervous, especially since he hadn’t had to face the place, or what had happened there, for months.

  When they pulled up outside the house Lea looked out curiously. She couldn't see much of the low building from here, but the lake in the background made the whole property look impressive and beautiful. She opened the door, deciding she could cope with just one crutch. They wouldn't have to walk very much.

  But when Ricco didn’t move Lea turned back around. He was sitting frozen in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel hard.

  “There, see?” He tilted his head, indicating a car furt
her down the road. “They’re still coming here, sitting in their cars all day, waiting for something to happen.”

  Lea could just about make out movement inside the car.

  She felt a sense of unease. Maybe this was too much? “Should we just leave?” she asked, determined to go with whatever he decided and not to judge him if he couldn’t do this after all.

  But Ricco swallowed, then shook his head. “Nah. We’re here already. Fuck them!”

  Lea reached over and stroked his cheek briefly, then said, “You can do this, honey.”

  His eyes were bright and a little wild, but he nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

  Lea did her best to keep up with Ricco as he strode up to the porch of the low, long building sitting near the road. She could see now how exposed the whole property was. The fence was low enough to clamber over without much difficulty, and she could see all along the side of the building from the street.

  As she climbed the few stairs to the entrance behind him car doors were opened and closed somewhere down the street. She didn’t look around.

  She followed Ricco into the house, noticing a thick metal security door, which looked out of place on the elegant structure. It had to be a recent addition. When she closed the door behind her Ricco was already halfway across the large, empty living space. She walked after him, taking in her surroundings.

  Her first impression was one of light and air. There was no furniture at all now, but Lea, attune to Ricco’s taste and preferences, could see why he had chosen this place, and that he must’ve loved living here. To her, this house felt much more like his than the current, much grander one.

  But the light from the windows was dimmed by clunky, dark security screens, and without furniture, the overall feel was a strange, sad loneliness.

  “There you are!”

  Ricco gave a start. A tall, dark-haired woman came striding toward them from somewhere inside the house, wearing a very formal, expensive suit. Her attention was entirely with Ricco, and he took her outstretched hand automatically. When he let go he balled both hands into fists, but his voice was steady when he spoke. "Hi, Janet. What's up?"